I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
