that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
