Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
