is your mom at the bar?
This is not my ceiling
I looked at my own cervix.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
