The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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