just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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