trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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