I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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