she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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