My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
