I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
