guys are not supposed to queef...right?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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