How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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