NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
