Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
