I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
