I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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