do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
