Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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