She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
MIDGETS
????
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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