def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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