Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
