I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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