you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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