Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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