Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
ugly people sure do ruin things
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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