i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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