well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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