I don't usually arrange sex via text message
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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