arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
