Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
