I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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