This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
