Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
