and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I intend to get homeless drunk
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
