I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
