My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
