Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
