Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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