I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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