Please, let me fuck your mom
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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