What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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