a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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