I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
