Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
