wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We need to get me chipped asap
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
