I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
