Your tits are I can't wait for
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
