She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think your dad took our porno
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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