One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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