i permit you to call me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
