return my video game
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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