I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
