I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
