No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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