last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
