life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
