If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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