We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
