but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
