lets start a swedish sibling band together
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
