you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
