apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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