I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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