He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
