I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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