My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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