my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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