I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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