The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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