At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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